saengil chukha hamnida Minwoo Oppa!

My favorite Shinhwa member is celebrating his 29th birthday! Almost ready to settle down! :P He's enlisting in the army later this year. Although he's still busy with fan meetings and Asian countries visits, I still miss him so much. :( I miss all of Shinhwa's members. Although, some of them are active in tv, seeing them together goofing around and making fun of each other is something I always look forward to seeing. Waah!

Once again, Saengil Chukha Hamnida Minwoo Oppa! Saranghe! :)

The World will not adjust itself for you

I am starting yet another work again.. well a first for this year after leaving my previous company mid Feb.. exactly Feb 15, one day after Valentines. After 2 months of Bum Nation and more than a hundred Shinhwa (A Korean group that I like) videos in youtube, I finally decided that I would need to spend some time outside the house while waiting for the subbing teams/ people to add more videos. :P Well, this is my 4th week at work and I can still blatantly say that I still have boring and tulala lang moments in the office. Precisely the main reason for this entry. I just hate the fact that I work fast and that I want to finish all the work that comes in my way.. I’m so intense it scares me. I made a mistake of sending an email to the wrong person last week and although my team mates are shrugging it off, I still can’t quite fully accept it. Even with the fact that I am half clueless as to what I am doing. Although, I am thankful that I have work… even if its not my dream job 4 years ago. I was afraid I would end up saying it, but here goes.. work life is nothing like you’d expect it to be. Even if I have the ability to be optimistic, it still gets lonely as you ask yourself, did I spend more than half of my life preparing for this?? I mean, there is nothing to hate about my current job. Its actually considered a blessing as I was spending the last two months as a scavenger in my own home.

But lets face it, quarter life crisis strikes you almost nonstop until you reach that point of stability and you can finally say, “Well things are chaging for the better!” But until that time, the next five to ten years of your life after college is such a torment as one tries to decipher whether you are actually making the right choices. I feel like I have been swimming in clear water all my life, and then suddenly I was thrown out to the saltiest and biggest sea. It gets blurry, It gets foggy. It just gets so damn disappointing.

They say it’s a good thing, not to be satisfied with what you have, and continue pursuing what is in store out there. There just seems to be a lot. But you go home at night.. and you look around.. there is nothing much to see. Shucks I sound like lyrics to a song. Baduy.

I have a friend who texted me a very very long text.. 5 pages ata.. pseudo-ranting about feelings with work, family, relationships.. almost all aspects of her life. And then continues to say that she specifically texted me because she knows I would understand and know about it. This is a friend who I haven’t seen for two years now. Ironically… I did understand the point where she’s at. But I wasn’t much of help though, coz I cant even do much with my own life. I don’t think anybody could do anything concrete to this particular stage in his/her life other than that changing one’s perspective to work in favor of you.

(edited again) I started this entry about a week ago, but I still couldn’t bring myself to finish it. Until I had a dream last Sunday. I couldn’t quite remember all the details but I remember the feeling I had when I woke up. I suddenly realized that I am sad. Not depressed. Not melancholy. Just plain sad. I have been very optimistic since this year has started. But.. nothing seems to feel right. Nothing seems to come up right. I don’t know why.



But now, I am almost on my third month in my new work and I have almost learned all the procedures we need to do on a daily basis. I work as Data Analyst in a company named RiskMetrics Group. My job is as redundant as redundant can be. But I am not complaining. I need the money to be able to eat, buy some clothes and be able to watch some movies. Money is so hard to grab on these days.

I had a lot of expectations when I was still studying.. I just recently started to slow down and adjusted my goals, I need to adapt to what life is giving me.


In other news, I saw this random quote in iGoogle and all I could do was agree.

Love is a state of mimd". Francis Ceniza

And that basically sums up my love life. :P

I have a very talented friend who allowed me to use his creation, just look at my banner and meet Tedd. :) For more of his characters, visit www.johnnyjeffrey.com Thanks Jay!

People disappoint

I have been feeling so alone since last week.

Like I don't have anyone I could count on.
Like I don't have anyone I could call when I am sad.
Like I don't have anyone I could just spend some time with, go to a movie and just talk to and feel better.
Like I don't have anyone who would understand me even if I don't say anything.

I just really felt so alone. For someone who never had a special someone and who has been so proud to be independent and self-sufficient, this is a big deal. Because I rely mostly with my friends or family for the "support" that I need at these times. But with all the things that have been and have been not happening... I just feel so disappointed.

I feel so disappointed because when I scroll down my phone's contact list, there is nobody I could text or call that I know would genuinely make me feel better.

I feel so sad because the only person that could and would understand me perfectly is studying and working somewhere tens of thousand miles away from me.

I feel disappointed even with myself for being contented with the work I am currently doing even if I know deep in my heart that I could do so much better.

I feel frustrated that I am easily angry with people for small things ---> for laughing so high pitched, for talking so loud and even just for laughing.

I am confused because I realized that there is no possible way that I could ever co-exist with my mom in the same house for more than 3 days.



I realized that I am an angry person I blamed it to my hormones for the longest time.

I even have pseudo fights with different friends and for some reason I just can't explain why I feel this way. I call it pseudo fights because there is no exact reason or time that I can say I had some misunderstanding or arguments with my friends, its just for some reason, I withdraw from them. My usual reaction with my closest friends is to be actively mad or angry when I am feeling that way. I am not one to hide it. So right now, I just I am just indifferent and this scares me a lot.

To not feel anything at all with the current situation of my life is confusing and frustrating. I just wish I know what I should feel.

Maybe I just need a distraction from all of this.

Hay.

Officially my inaanak!

Post Valentine Reflection

A typical Valentines night:

Friend: Aimee, tingin mo may gusto siya sayo?
Aimee: Hindi ko alam. I honestly don't know.
Friend: Ano bang nafifeel mo?
Aimee: Well, I feel special. Alam mo un, you know that the treatment is different when it comes to you. Kumbaga, meron siyang mga kaibigang girls pero hindi ganun ka-special ang treatment niya.
Friend: So do you think he loves you?
Aimee: Hindi siguro, that feeling is reserved for his girlfriend.


Sigh.

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrifice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

What a sucker for love.. Hahaha!


Belated Happy Valentines World!

Meet my new soon to be inaanak!

Maxine Elysse Del Rosario Morales. Whew!

No more sadness for Aimee this 2008

The last time I posted here was a few weeks after I started working again. I was so busy in the latter part of last year. It actually felt better to actually be doing something rather than.. not doing anything at all.

For this year, I am very optimistic.. for some reason.. maybe ts because of the number 8 for 2008. Optimistic for all aspects of my life. That this quarter life crisis would actually improve a little and that I would have a clue on what choices I have or need to make.

I made a lot of friends this year. Even found some close ones I know I could keep for life. I also managed to keep in touch with my old ones.. and I am even roommates with two of close college friends. Not bad for a slo start last year.

This year.. I learned that I am a changed person. Many people told me.. I was too straight before.. which was good. But growing older.. you need to meet halfway and compromise.. learn to understand that people have certain limitations.

Having said that.. I still affirm my belief in career and relationships. I just need to be nicer to my family. I just need to be better in a lot of things. Maybe once I learn to give way for others.. life would be easier for me.

No more sadness for Aimee this 2008! Happy New Year to all!

My friends keep on pushing me to write about work. Honestly, I have a lot to say. But there is practically no bone or muscle in my body that is not aching from everyday trips from Cavite to Makati to back to Cavite. Well, my company is a pseudo-call center and a business outsourcing company which by the way is the exact industry I vowed never to work for. Parang boyfriend to e.. the man you end up with probably is the guy you never expected or even rejected before.. for some reason.

Anyway, the company I am with is still in start-up, real operations start probably on September so I'm really in a daze. I basically get 5 hours tops sleep and there's still certification to go through. It's only my second week so I'm trying to fit in all information that my co-workers have learned in the past month. Just today, I brought a harry-potter-book-4 thick manual to study and be a master at in less than 3 days. My boss keeps on asking me if I am smart enough, if I am good enough.. and the truth is I don't know how to answer that.. deep inside, I just really wanted to ask what happens if I am better than his expectations. I guess I enjoy blowing away people like that. I'd rather not talk about myself in a gratifying manner rather than go around and disappoint a lot of people.

My officemates are basically my batchmates from college. About 1/4 of the population consists of Lasallians. Those who were super extra curricular activities oriented back then. Almost all of us had been officers of organizations. For some weird reason.

I've learned that working is not only consistently trying to learn but also applying lessons adeptly. Its really tiring. At the end of the day, I was told that it didn't matter if I don't smile a lot during work. It doesn't matter if I am not that friendly.. what matters is my capability and maybe the drive to go through. And for me that is enough for now.

My boss keeps asking about passports and visas of the employees. He wants to go to bangkok, hongkong and US. It's a good thing that my mom got me my visa when I got my first gold eagle award in grade 1. Hehe. Plus I just renewed my passport. Hurray! I am not assuming anything but of course anybody would like to think that they are included in the planned trip. My bosses are like this super rich business tycoons. Well one is super nice, soft spoken and smart while the other is more upfront and frank. I don't know who I will like more in the long run.

What else? I made some reconnection with people I have lost in touch with. For the past week, I have seen a lot of people I haven't seen for the past 3 years. It's a great feeling. Now, I am broke as hell and still awaiting my very first paycheck!

I don't really want to go into details about what I did at work because I want to take it all in strides. So now, before my eyes close by itself, I have to work off my butt and do some things crucial for work.


Goodnight world and friends! :)

My first week of work.. in pictures!

confessions of a yuppie apartment hunter

With almost no money and no transportation, I braved the streets of makati to look for an apartment since I start work this Monday. I don't know why I wore my mom's brown long skirt and one of my favorite light brown tops. This is probably my official probinsyana look! :) Plus I felt really comfortable with my whole attire. So anyway, I met my friend Mil at a 24 hour convenience store while she was cramming a lunch meal before we start our apartment hunting. So anyway, after a quick trip to the CR, we went ahead and rode on the first bus.

Makati Executive Tower

They had so many posters indicating that they had vacancies so we quickly went on to inquire about their residential units. The girl we spoke to was really nice although since it was a Saturday, she was the only one there. And most of the times, she was not really aware of the details we wanted to know. Especially because we were there to canvas and to get the best value for our money. So anyway, we just decided to go ahead and see the units. The first one she showed us was a 1 bed room unit. However, there were still people occupying it so it was mostly messy and crowded while we were looking at it. The room reminded me of a japanese low cost housing since the door panel separating the room from the kitchen/sala was a wood panel that resembled most of those with the Japanese. With all their stuff gone, that place would actually do if not for the fact that I thought it was a living hell! It was so hot in there. In the bedroom while we were looking, there was a big man sleeping and the whole time I was thinking, How the hell could he do that? I mean it was really hot! I mean, that place + snow, I would probably take with no questions. But the heat? I don't know. It was 10,800 inclusive of dues. (which i mistook for electricity and water dues.) hehehe. administrative dues lang pala un.

The girl showed us another room naman. A 2 bedroom unit. It was actually so spacious. but it was 18,000. Scratch that from the list. I don't have that kind of money right now.

So anyway, she also offered us a small office unit. It was cheaper that both the rooms because it was mainly a space plus a rest room. And the floor had no tiles. I think it was only for 6,500. Which I still could accept if not for the fact that the window is facing the car ramp for the parking. So basically, we can expect 2-3 cars rolling over us every 30 minutes. Thats how people near an airport probably feels like!

The verdict: Well the first room was actually the best from the rooms we have seen. Still it was still pricey for the potential heat we would have to endure if we got the unit. However, with that price includes free use of the gym, pool and sauna. Not bad. But we were determined to see better offers.

Royal Dormitories

In fairness to this place in Akle Street, it is clean for a dormitory. The heat was still there. Its still pricey for us. 6K for a room for 2. It was a very small room for that price. And with all the rooms I thought most of it occupants couldn't bear to shut the door for fear of losing breath while inside it. Plus the bathrooms and shower rooms were in a common area.

Valero Area

We tried to see if there was a remote chance that a cheap condominium unit was near the vicinity but we didn't find any.

We went for a quick break at McDonalds valero to check on our friend Aimee if she could come with us at San Antonio Village. However, our friend was still finishing something so we went on and rode another bus.

San Antonio Village

We were told that there were a lot of cheap apartments and houses renting rooms at this area. So with no transportation whatsoever, we started walking and look for signs hanging in front of houses. The first we saw was an apartment for 8,000. With two bedrooms, that could be great for four persons however there was no one there to show us the place. Then we saw another sign looking for bedspacers. In the remote chance that the place was clean, I would have no problems with it. But when we went to inquire, the person in charge told us, "sorry no vacancy!" And then we saw a small compound that looked like a series of apartment rooms. We asked if there were available rooms and there was still one left. The housekeeper showed us a studio type unit. It had its own CR and kitchen/sink. It was big enough for three people and it was for 6,600. So far, the best value for the money we were willing to pay. However, its still hot inside the room and we would have to bring our own aircon if we couldn't endure the heat.

On our way home, we rode a tricycle driver who thought that Pasong Tamo was the same as Pasong Tirad. So after shelling out 30 pesos to pay for a long ride, we were ever farther from our next bus ride. After walking a little more, we found our way and one jeep and a bus later, Mil and I separated ways.

On my own, I rode a baby bus (for those who don't know, these are non-air conditioned bus with super colorful body paints. :) I think most of these go to Cavite. I was so sleepy while on my way home so hugging my bag tight, I started to fall asleep. I woke up when we were in Bacoor because the bus driver allegedly brush off some guy and the guy was quick to call the police and file a complaint. All the people inside the bus were curious and grumpy as they were settling the complaint. However, the bus driver apologized and 5 minutes later we were on our way again. Ung driver at mga konductors were all really grumpy. For some reason they were mocking the guy for not looking while crossing the road. And all the while I was thinking, that was really stupid. To be the one mocking a person when a big bus almost killed him. Humans should always have the right of way. Tsk tsk! 20 minutes later, we were still having problems with our driver and we found out that he was still in his training period to be a bus driver himself.

Things I've learned:
1. Mostly anything in makati you can go back and forth at while riding a bus for 10 pesos.

2. The closer you want to live in makati central business district, the more money it takes since houses within the vicinity costs a lot.

3. Its still pays to have your own car when you are unsure of where to go to or if you are looking for something.

4. It pays to bring an umbrella whether to fight the sun or sudden rain.


5. Its hard to do a job you are not good at (for the bus driver)


To all my friends, I start work tomorrow. For the meantime, I have to go back and forth from Cavite to Makati. I hope I make it through this month..