where's my usual magic?

I have been a pesky little brat. Just because I can't get a job, I feel so down, so sad, so bitter and basically helpless. My friends keep telling me that I am good at what I do. That they all saw me and at my best and with that I am capable of anything. My friends who gradated ahead of me kept telling me that life at work is so much different and harder. Looking for a job, acing an interview was such a difficult task. Not for me. Or so I thought. If there was something I am good at.. its interviews. Every recitation, every thesis defense I aced because I know what I am saying and I can say it well. But now, it seems that I can't get a job that would only require an interview. Maybe its because I don't easily have rapport with people I talk with. I love challenging what other people think. And maybe that makes me a little unlikeable with HR during interviews. I really don't know why. I really don't know what to do. Every job interview I went to.. I go out feeling that they will call the next day and give me a damn job offer. But weeks will pass and therefore I shall know that my job application is unsuccessful. My friends tell me its because I don't really know what I want to do. I think they are right.

However, I was born a fighter. I feel so stupid for letting my recent failures to influence my usual "magic." That includes confidence, charms, wit and other people related skills. I feel guilty nonetheless because I have a pack of friends and relatives who pushes me to not give up.. and I just keep on whining. I am such a complaining irritant.

Having said that, if there's one great quality I have.. its the ability to move on with utmost speed. I mean, right after the next day of my "lowest point" I woke up feeling that it was a brand new day. And so... when all else fails.. I seek the only opinion that I value with all my heart. God's. Ever since I started job hunting, I have asked for his guidance and his control over my life.. and maybe it is His will for me to be unemployed. Maybe it is His will for me to fail and see His plans through.

Right after all that.. I bounced back. Ready to try again. And suddenly my mom told me that I am going with her to US this August. Pending all my job applications, I just couldn't say no to it. So yes.. barely a month from now, I shall board a plane again. And have a vacation, look for a new beginning.. I really don't know but for the first time this year.. I felt again that possibilities are endless. I'm excited and scared at the same time. But having something to hope for gives me euphoria.

If you really want to.. you can just look around and see a lot of things to be happy about