I am starting yet another work again.. well a first for this year after leaving my previous company mid Feb.. exactly Feb 15, one day after Valentines. After 2 months of Bum Nation and more than a hundred Shinhwa (A Korean group that I like) videos in youtube, I finally decided that I would need to spend some time outside the house while waiting for the subbing teams/ people to add more videos. :P Well, this is my 4th week at work and I can still blatantly say that I still have boring and tulala lang moments in the office. Precisely the main reason for this entry. I just hate the fact that I work fast and that I want to finish all the work that comes in my way.. I’m so intense it scares me. I made a mistake of sending an email to the wrong person last week and although my team mates are shrugging it off, I still can’t quite fully accept it. Even with the fact that I am half clueless as to what I am doing. Although, I am thankful that I have work… even if its not my dream job 4 years ago. I was afraid I would end up saying it, but here goes.. work life is nothing like you’d expect it to be. Even if I have the ability to be optimistic, it still gets lonely as you ask yourself, did I spend more than half of my life preparing for this?? I mean, there is nothing to hate about my current job. Its actually considered a blessing as I was spending the last two months as a scavenger in my own home.
But lets face it, quarter life crisis strikes you almost nonstop until you reach that point of stability and you can finally say, “Well things are chaging for the better!” But until that time, the next five to ten years of your life after college is such a torment as one tries to decipher whether you are actually making the right choices. I feel like I have been swimming in clear water all my life, and then suddenly I was thrown out to the saltiest and biggest sea. It gets blurry, It gets foggy. It just gets so damn disappointing.
They say it’s a good thing, not to be satisfied with what you have, and continue pursuing what is in store out there. There just seems to be a lot. But you go home at night.. and you look around.. there is nothing much to see. Shucks I sound like lyrics to a song. Baduy.
I have a friend who texted me a very very long text.. 5 pages ata.. pseudo-ranting about feelings with work, family, relationships.. almost all aspects of her life. And then continues to say that she specifically texted me because she knows I would understand and know about it. This is a friend who I haven’t seen for two years now. Ironically… I did understand the point where she’s at. But I wasn’t much of help though, coz I cant even do much with my own life. I don’t think anybody could do anything concrete to this particular stage in his/her life other than that changing one’s perspective to work in favor of you.
(edited again) I started this entry about a week ago, but I still couldn’t bring myself to finish it. Until I had a dream last Sunday. I couldn’t quite remember all the details but I remember the feeling I had when I woke up. I suddenly realized that I am sad. Not depressed. Not melancholy. Just plain sad. I have been very optimistic since this year has started. But.. nothing seems to feel right. Nothing seems to come up right. I don’t know why.
But now, I am almost on my third month in my new work and I have almost learned all the procedures we need to do on a daily basis. I work as Data Analyst in a company named RiskMetrics Group. My job is as redundant as redundant can be. But I am not complaining. I need the money to be able to eat, buy some clothes and be able to watch some movies. Money is so hard to grab on these days.
I had a lot of expectations when I was still studying.. I just recently started to slow down and adjusted my goals, I need to adapt to what life is giving me.
In other news, I saw this random quote in iGoogle and all I could do was agree.
Love is a state of mimd". Francis Ceniza
And that basically sums up my love life. :P
I have a very talented friend who allowed me to use his creation, just look at my banner and meet Tedd. :) For more of his characters, visit www.johnnyjeffrey.com Thanks Jay!
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