I live. I crush. I die... FROM HUMILIATION

I was already trying to sleep a few minutes ago when I realized something. Half of my most embarrassing moments happened in front of someone I like. Looking back, I can now laugh at those moments but I felt so awkward during these times! I even prayed for a lot of nights that I would be lucky enough to have amnesia and just forget what happened to me! So brace yourself to a series of unfortunate events to be unfold..

*Names of actual crushes have been changed to avoid unnecessary damage and insult to the writer's reputation. hehe.

When I was in grade school, I had a poor concept of romantic relationships. Suffice to say, it was non-existent. I simply was clueless about it. I had a crush on my classmate, Raffy. Now during that time, we had a lot of books, notebooks and other stuffs in our backpack. I think I was already in grade 5 or 6 at this time.. and we were simply too cool for bag trolleys at this age. Not all of us had lockers because we only had a few in school but we had bookshelves in our classrooms and everyone in class had one. I don't know how the each shelf was assigned to us but my space was ironically on top of Raffy's. And seeing the great opportunity in this situation, I was able to come up with a plan to have accidental brush offs and conversations with him. I would always make sure that during dismissal, we would be fixing our books at the same time. Uupo pa ako sa floor para maharangan ung shelf niya and he would be forced to wait for me.This went on and on and if I would be the first one to be arranging my books, I would really take long before I finish while he patiently wait for me. But during this one time, I was in a bad mood and I just simply want to go home immediately. And so I quickly went to the shelves and brought my books and got up and leave. So as usual, I bent down so that I could reach the middle shelf, I think I even sat on the floor for a while. Pero pagtayo ko on my way to get my bag, I stepped on my skirt and slipped on the floor. I quickly assumed indian seat position para hindi masyado ma-obvious na nadulas ako. Luckily everyone was busy doing their own thing to notice what happened to me. I looked around and tried to find Raffy and see if he saw my fall. When I didn't see him, I assumed that he might have left the classroom already. However, as I was about to leave, someone whispered in my ear, "Don't worry, ako lang ang nakakita!" And what do you know??? It was Raffy!!!

Remember when we were in grade school and japanese foldable fans were the in thing? As in. Everybody had a fan even guys! Nakakatawa nga kasi I think during that time there were a lot of designs but new fans smelled like sour wood. So if you had a new fan, you'd really have to shower it with cologne or perfume. After some time, nauso naman to write on each other's fans and leave a short note for a friend. Nakakatawa pa coz during that time I think there were only 8-10 thin wood pieces to write on kaya piling pili talaga ang makakasulat sa fan mo. My fan was filled with names of crushes and code names written by my friends. As in Paul, Nico and other names of higher batch schoolmates that I had a crush on plus some fantasy dates and moments written on it. When I think about it now, I feel such a major loser. Haha. So anyway, when I was about to come home with my cousin who was a year ahead of me, she gave me my fan. So I was kinda confused why my fan was with her. She told me that I might have left it in the girl's bathroom and Paul's girlfriend saw it and gave it to her. How embarrassing is that????

Now when I was in grade six, somebody from my class had made a love letter to a seventh grader. I know this because I was able to read the letter before she gave it to him. Our classmate showed it to most of us to get our opinions about it. I forgot my reaction but whatever we said could have pushed her to give it. But if she would have solely asked me, I bet I would have told her not to give it because she'll just regret it. And then one time after lunch, as we were on our way to our classrooms, I saw the guy. He was questioning a few people from our class. I was not aware of what he was asking but I became curious because they started to look at me. So finally we were in our classrooms, I asked my classmate what that guy was asking. Imagine how I felt when I heard that he was asking for my name. He said he wanted to know the name of his admirer. So I thought to myself this was impossible because I mean for sure when he knew my name it was not the same as the one in the letter. However, my classmate who wrote it, wrote sender as girl from sixth grade section D. There were more than twenty girls in our class whom he could have thought to be his admirer.. but what do you know? He pinpointed me. I don't know if I looked stalkerish at that time but I think I started a rally in front of his friends saying that I was not his admirer. I look back now and that move is probably more embarrassing than the fact that he thought I liked him. I'm such a loser. hahaha.

During sixth grade too we were made to check test papers of people from other sections. Since our teacher wanted to be sure that we are impartial with our checking, he was the one who handed the papers we would checked. I got to check a paper of this supposedly popular cute guy who I didn't know at that time. so when one of my gay classmates asked whose paper I was checking, I said the guy's name. Let's call him Francis. After that, my classmate made a big deal about it and told everyone that I had a crush on Francis. Now this was the time, na anything your classmates say na pinagtutulungan ka would make you mad. So I think I overdid it with the denial that they ended up thinking I really like this guy. After that class, recess time. Imagine my embarassment when Francis was in our classroom's door, I think he was looking for his friend in our class, and everyone was calling me and telling me that Francis was there. And everyone was pointing me to him. Nabingi na ata ako sa "yiheeeeee!" ng mga classmates ko! They were laughing and teasing me. A year after, he was my classmate. But this time, I knew him already and I actually had a crush on him. He turned out to be cute and charming pala. And I thought wala na tapos na ung incident na yun. But one time, he was my groupmate in Math and I tried to make small talk during breaktime. I told him this joke that would entail me to hold his hand. During the joke, he kept looking at me and my face simultaneously.. then he told me, "Gusto mo lang ata mahawakan kamay ko e!" I forgot my reaction pero I think binitawan ko ung kamay niya and inirapan ko siya. Pero super pahiya ako dun kasi bukong-buko e. Gustong makaiskor! Hahaha! If I only blush, siguro super pula ko na that time. But anyway, we ended being good friends during high school.

In other news, I have just finished watching Grey's Anatomy Season 3 and as usual, the tv show left me hanging and wanting more. What I like about this show is that there are so many characters that a person can relate to. I mean usually we see ourselves in the lead actor's character, but this time its the people around her that I could see myself in. For the record, I could never relate with Meredith Gray. I think I am a combination of Callie, the insecure wife and Cristina, the overcompetitive intern. Physically and emotionally, I feel as if Callie has portrayed my persona on tv. She's so tough and soft at the same time and to top it off, she's just so beautiful. Then we have Christina, if I was part of that batch of interns, I would definitely be the person with the type A personality who just stands out by seing everything as a competition. Then I fall in love... and BOOM! I get a little softer and mushy and sometimes out of control which is something that I detest. However, I'd probably do the same things she did if I have my very own Preston Burke. But if I am Christina then Camzi would definitely be my Meredith Gray. She's my person. And finally, how could I forget George O'malley? I'd probably fall in love with my best friend like him. (I can already hear Norbelle singing Kung ako nalang sana in the background!!). Hehe. O well, I really like this tv series. For a period of time, I was asking myself why I never considered being a surgeon.. then I remembered how I felt when I was holding a frog down and feeling its heart beat in my hands when I was in second year high school. I was mortified. And I vowed to get as little science courses as possible during college.

Callie. In an interview with Oprah she said when the producers saw her act, she was made to choose among ABC's shows and she was the one who chose Grey's Anatomy. How lucky is that? She's so gorgeous here.

Sexy Izzie. She changed a lot since her Rosswell days, I'm glad she graduated from teen tv shows

The very pretty Dr. Addison Montgomery. I admire her character's sophistication. I love her hair here. I like her with Alex Karev.

Absolutely hot. I prefer McSteamy over McDreamy. I don't care. I like him. I hope they pursue a love story on him and Izzie.